Wednesday, November 19, 2008

Halloween, You've Gone Too Far

The sexy Halloween costume has become more and more popular over the last few years. I believe it started with real-life jobs that have sexy counterparts in the porn world. This category would include sexy nurse, sexy teacher, sexy sailor, or sexy cop. Later, it branched out into the fantasy world. That brought us sexy pirate, sexy witch, and the viking vixen among many others. Then the sexy costume became an epidemic. Sexy versions of hundreds of standard costumes began popping up in the Halloween costume aisle. This year, though, I noticed a disturbing new trend in Halloween costumes: the sexy cartoon character. At one party I intended, I spied a young lady dressed as sexy Buzz Lightyear. This prompted me to do some research into sexy cartoon character costumes. I found sexy Jane Jetson and Wilma Flintstone. That's fine, I could see how these characters could be morphed into their sexy counterparts.

While I thought the sexy Buzz Lightyear was questionable, the biggest violation of this new sexy costume category is sexy SpongeBob SquarePants.

SpongeBob should not be sexy. Let me repeat that: SPONGEBOB SHOULD NEVER BE SEXY. You see, SpongeBob is a sponge. He is a kitchen variety rectangular yellow sponge charged with cleaning spills and washing dishes. There is nothing sexy about a sponge. Also, SpongeBob is a male sponge. He does not wear a skirt. He wears pants. In fact, he wears pants so often that he has adopted "pants" as part of his last name. He is directly identifiable by his love of pants and, therefore, his lack of skirt.

Now ladies, I value the sexy costume. If you would like to dress sexy on Halloween or to any other costume required event, I say go for it. Sexy SpongeBob fits all the requirements of a sexy costume. You've got the tight shirt, the short skirt, and the high and, therefore, uncomfortable heel. This costume even comes with an extra accessory, a strategically placed "neck tie" that acts as an arrow pointing directly to ones naughty bits. This costume is text book sexy costume. The flaw is the character itself.

Next Halloween, I implore you ladies, stick to sexy costumes that make sense. Go out as sexy Super Girl or French Maid or even sexy Ghostbuster. At least there could be a female Ghostbuster. Stick to costumes that can actually be female and sexy. There can never be a female male sponge, Ladies. Never.


Brett said...

I love Sexy Buzz Light Year.

Johnny said...

Sexy Ghostbuster might be the best idea in the history of the world. Until she gets slimed... ewwww.


Sara Mosser said...

i love this blog already. thanks for the invite you hilarious woman!

Elizabeth said...

here, here!

K. G. said...

@Johnny: ewww is right! I wish I could say I thought of it, but I just saw it when I was trolling the costume sites.