Tuesday, December 2, 2008

Ewww Gross! Fetus Cookies

One of my favorite things to buy at antique stores is cookie cutters. I have a small collection of ordinary shapes. Since cupcakes are my medium of choice, I don't decorate cookies very often. When I do, though, I like to have lots of options. Most of my cutters are standard like flowers, hearts, a snowman, and a football. The craziest (and favorite) shape I have is a mustache. I didn't think you could get too out there with cookie cutters. I thought there would be some things that people wouldn't want in cookie shape. For example, a fetus shape. That is a shape people would not be comfortable eating. Turns out, I was wrong. People do want to eat fetus shaped cookies, so much so that they need to buy a fetus shaped cookie cutter. Zandra pointed me to this entry at one of my favorite blogs, Cake Wrecks, and although many of you may already read this fine blog, I thought this atrocity warranted further mention.

Um, gross. Why would anyone want to eat a fetus shaped cookie? Who is this person that thought, "Hmm. I'm going to a baby shower.

It is baby themed. I'll bring cookies shaped like babies. Not born babies though; unborn babies! Mmm delicious!" Furthermore, who are the people that went to the baby shower, ate the fetus cookies and then encouraged the maker that there is a market for fetus shaped cookie cutters. Quite a few people had to green-light this hideous thing before it was brought to us consumers. Some things just ain't right and this is one of those things. If you disagree, you can purchase your very own fetus shaped cookie cutter from stupid.com.

P.S. If you've read all of the Cake Wrecks archive and would like to see some amazingly good-looking cakes and baby shower appropriate treats, check out Kellechu Cakes. My good friend Kelley, makes incredible Rock Band and other awesome non-wreck cakes.

Turducken: Now with more meat!

Some of you may just be getting over your Thanksgiving day food coma. I still have three or four meals worth of turkey left, but it's not too early to think about next year. Now you've heard of a Turducken, right? That's a chicken stuffed inside a duck, stuffed inside a turkey. Then it's all cooked up and enjoyed by many. Well, apparently enjoyed. I've never tried it, so I don't know. Dupree sent me a link to the ultimate Thanksgiving dinner treat. The good people at Bacon Today (and I say that because only good people would have a blog devoted solely to bacon) thought that only bacon could make a turducken even more amazing? They outline the complete steps for making a Turbaconducken.

Pictures of raw meat are pretty gross, but take a good look at that monstrosity, I mean delicacy, at left. It's incredible. The masterminds at Bacon Today clearly thought this process through, because not only is the entire turkey wrapped in bacon, but the duck inside the turkey is also wrapped in bacon.

In case you think that isn't enough pig product for one meal, the chicken inside the bacon-wrapped duck, inside the bacon-wrapped turkey is also wrapped in bacon. The Turbaconducken is both feat of engineering and a work of art. Consider making it for your family feast next Thanksgiving. Heck, even make it this year for Christmas!

Wednesday, November 19, 2008

Halloween, You've Gone Too Far

The sexy Halloween costume has become more and more popular over the last few years. I believe it started with real-life jobs that have sexy counterparts in the porn world. This category would include sexy nurse, sexy teacher, sexy sailor, or sexy cop. Later, it branched out into the fantasy world. That brought us sexy pirate, sexy witch, and the viking vixen among many others. Then the sexy costume became an epidemic. Sexy versions of hundreds of standard costumes began popping up in the Halloween costume aisle. This year, though, I noticed a disturbing new trend in Halloween costumes: the sexy cartoon character. At one party I intended, I spied a young lady dressed as sexy Buzz Lightyear. This prompted me to do some research into sexy cartoon character costumes. I found sexy Jane Jetson and Wilma Flintstone. That's fine, I could see how these characters could be morphed into their sexy counterparts.

While I thought the sexy Buzz Lightyear was questionable, the biggest violation of this new sexy costume category is sexy SpongeBob SquarePants.

SpongeBob should not be sexy. Let me repeat that: SPONGEBOB SHOULD NEVER BE SEXY. You see, SpongeBob is a sponge. He is a kitchen variety rectangular yellow sponge charged with cleaning spills and washing dishes. There is nothing sexy about a sponge. Also, SpongeBob is a male sponge. He does not wear a skirt. He wears pants. In fact, he wears pants so often that he has adopted "pants" as part of his last name. He is directly identifiable by his love of pants and, therefore, his lack of skirt.

Now ladies, I value the sexy costume. If you would like to dress sexy on Halloween or to any other costume required event, I say go for it. Sexy SpongeBob fits all the requirements of a sexy costume. You've got the tight shirt, the short skirt, and the high and, therefore, uncomfortable heel. This costume even comes with an extra accessory, a strategically placed "neck tie" that acts as an arrow pointing directly to ones naughty bits. This costume is text book sexy costume. The flaw is the character itself.

Next Halloween, I implore you ladies, stick to sexy costumes that make sense. Go out as sexy Super Girl or French Maid or even sexy Ghostbuster. At least there could be a female Ghostbuster. Stick to costumes that can actually be female and sexy. There can never be a female male sponge, Ladies. Never.

Thursday, November 13, 2008

The Circle of Life

Walking to the car two mornings ago, Z and I saw a cat catch a bird. The cat walked with us toward the car and then dropped the bird from its mouth. The bird was still alive, but it could no longer fly. The cat snatched the bird and ran into the bushes. Not too happy with the scene before me, I exclaimed, "Oh no! ewwwwwww!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Zandra honestly replied, "Well, it's the circle of life." I agreed. It's true. She's right. It is the circle of life.

This morning, walking to the car, we found a wing, some feathers, and a golf-ball size mass of intestines laying on the sidewalk. Zandra exclaimed, "ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww!!!!!!"

Yes. I agreed. "ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwww!!!!"

Not so circle of life now, is it.
(Photo is of a needle felted robin I made from a kit purchased at Fancy Tiger in Denver, CO.)

Tuesday, November 11, 2008

Changing Tastes, A List

Thing I used to dislike, but now I like:

blue cheese
wheat bread

Things I used to like, but now I dislike:


Blog Manifesto

While I don't consider myself a writer, I do feel that what written communication skills I do have are getting rusty. I've started ending far too many sentences with a preposition. I use the words "like" and "really" much too often. Blame it on technology or laziness but, my writing skills aren't as honed now that I'm not using them regularly. Also, I miss blogging. While, I've been a member of group blogs before, this is my first foray into a blog of my own.

I plan to use this blog as a storing house for things I find interesting and want not only to share with you, dear readers, but to serve as a reference for me. Let's face it. I forget stuff all the time. Stuff, I want to remember, like bringing my roommate's bag home when she asks me. There is no way I'll remember many cool things like new songs I like and craft tutorials I want to try, unless I link to them here. I've struggled with deciding on a theme for the blog, because the blogs that I enjoy the most and read regularly focus on one subject. They are either craft blogs or cooking blogs or video game blogs. The more I thought about it though, I realized that I enjoy far too many activities and have too many hobbies to stick to a theme. Here I will focus on what I love. Topics will be as diverse as crafts and video games and football and really bad TV to really good movies and books. If you don't see anything that you like in the "About Me" section in the right hand column, then I invite you to move along now. That list is a pretty honest assessment of topics I will write about at some point. Welcome and enjoy!