Peep Show

Happy Easter! I know it is now three days passed, but if you go to any major grocery or pharmacy chain right now, you can still get deep discounts on a variety of delectable Easter treats.

Easter is the undisputed candy holiday champion. Don't even attempt to argue with me. I will not be swayed. Halloween is all about candy, but it doesn't have a variety of its own special treats. On Halloween, all your costume gets you is tiny versions of candy bars you can get at full size all the time. This is not special. This is a trick being played on you! On Easter you get a basket of a variety of amazingly specialized treats delivered right to your door and you don't even have to walk around your neighborhood dressed like Slutty Spongebob for these rewards. What about candy corn you ask? Halloween has candy corn. Well guess what? No one except Judy likes candy corn. Easter has malted milk eggs, giant chocolate bunnies, fudge eggs with your name on them (personalized candy!), those amazing tiny hard shell Hershey eggs, and the Godfather of all candy, the mighty Cadbury Cream Eggs.

Easter also, most importantly for the sake of this blog entry, has Peeps. Peeps started just as an Easter treat, but now have branched out to snowman and trees at Christmas, ghosts at Halloween, and hearts for Valentine's Day. I'm one of the few people I know that enjoys eating Peeps. For reasons I don't understand, many people seem frightened by marshmallows manipulated into holiday shapes. Peeps have become more of a pop culture phenomena than actual food. Luckily for us, the Washington Post sponsored a Peeps diorama contest with some amazing results. Click through their slideshow to see Peep-based homages to Octomom, the Nighthawks painting, the US Airways crash on the Hudson, and other historical events and happenings. My personal favorite is Octomom, but Nighthawks took the grand prize. Many entries are highly detailed and very entertaining. Now Peeps are both food and art!

(Thank you Laura for bringing this contest to my attention.)

Turducken: Now with more meat!

Some of you may just be getting over your Thanksgiving day food coma. I still have three or four meals worth of turkey left, but it's not too early to think about next year. Now you've heard of a Turducken, right? That's a chicken stuffed inside a duck, stuffed inside a turkey. Then it's all cooked up and enjoyed by many. Well, apparently enjoyed. I've never tried it, so I don't know. Dupree sent me a link to the ultimate Thanksgiving dinner treat. The good people at Bacon Today (and I say that because only good people would have a blog devoted solely to bacon) thought that only bacon could make a turducken even more amazing? They outline the complete steps for making a Turbaconducken.


Pictures of raw meat are pretty gross, but take a good look at that monstrosity, I mean delicacy, at left. It's incredible. The masterminds at Bacon Today clearly thought this process through, because not only is the entire turkey wrapped in bacon, but the duck inside the turkey is also wrapped in bacon.

In case you think that isn't enough pig product for one meal, the chicken inside the bacon-wrapped duck, inside the bacon-wrapped turkey is also wrapped in bacon. The Turbaconducken is both feat of engineering and a work of art. Consider making it for your family feast next Thanksgiving. Heck, even make it this year for Christmas!

Halloween, You've Gone Too Far

The sexy Halloween costume has become more and more popular over the last few years. I believe it started with real-life jobs that have sexy counterparts in the porn world. This category would include sexy nurse, sexy teacher, sexy sailor, or sexy cop. Later, it branched out into the fantasy world. That brought us sexy pirate, sexy witch, and the viking vixen among many others. Then the sexy costume became an epidemic. Sexy versions of hundreds of standard costumes began popping up in the Halloween costume aisle. This year, though, I noticed a disturbing new trend in Halloween costumes: the sexy cartoon character. At one party I intended, I spied a young lady dressed as sexy Buzz Lightyear. This prompted me to do some research into sexy cartoon character costumes. I found sexy Jane Jetson and Wilma Flintstone. That's fine, I could see how these characters could be morphed into their sexy counterparts.


While I thought the sexy Buzz Lightyear was questionable, the biggest violation of this new sexy costume category is sexy SpongeBob SquarePants.

SpongeBob should not be sexy. Let me repeat that: SPONGEBOB SHOULD NEVER BE SEXY. You see, SpongeBob is a sponge. He is a kitchen variety rectangular yellow sponge charged with cleaning spills and washing dishes. There is nothing sexy about a sponge. Also, SpongeBob is a male sponge. He does not wear a skirt. He wears pants. In fact, he wears pants so often that he has adopted "pants" as part of his last name. He is directly identifiable by his love of pants and, therefore, his lack of skirt.

Now ladies, I value the sexy costume. If you would like to dress sexy on Halloween or to any other costume required event, I say go for it. Sexy SpongeBob fits all the requirements of a sexy costume. You've got the tight shirt, the short skirt, and the high and, therefore, uncomfortable heel. This costume even comes with an extra accessory, a strategically placed "neck tie" that acts as an arrow pointing directly to ones naughty bits. This costume is text book sexy costume. The flaw is the character itself.

Next Halloween, I implore you ladies, stick to sexy costumes that make sense. Go out as sexy Super Girl or French Maid or even sexy Ghostbuster. At least there could be a female Ghostbuster. Stick to costumes that can actually be female and sexy. There can never be a female male sponge, Ladies. Never.